Good morning, Mrs. Puff. l'm Mr. Fitz.
I represent the Boating Teachers Accreditation Bureau.
As you know, your teaching certificate is up for renewal.
However, we've noticed there have been
an unusually large amount of failings from this classroom.
That's impossible.
In all my years of teaching,
only one student has failed my class.
Yes, but he's failed 1,258,056 times.
( SpongeBob laughing )
You don't understand.
SpongeBob is unteachable.
We cannot blame the students
for the incompetence of the teacher.
SPONGEBOB ( in distance ): Honk, honk! Beep, beep!
I'm ready to drive!
( horn toots )
Are you ready for my driving test today, Mrs. Puff?
Okay, Mrs. Puff.
If SpongeBob fails this test, you will be replaced.
Okay, SpongeBob.
Let's demonstrate for Mr. Fitz
everything I've taught you in boating school.
( chuckles )
Now, what's the first thing
we do before we start boating?
( snaps fingers ) Oh. Seatbelt-a-rooni.
One second.
( straining )
Then what do you do?
Start the engine?
Yes.
What do I do now?! Drive the boat.
Did I pass this time, Mrs. Puff?
No, SpongeBob, you failed.
I failed?
It is not you that's failed, SpongeBob.
It's Mrs. Puff that's failed you.
You are relieved of your teaching duties.
I won't be teaching SpongeBob anymore?
( laughs )
( laughing harder )
( laughing ): No more SpongeBob?
I thought this day would never come.
( laughing )
Good-bye, SpongeBob!
Have a nice life.
Free at last.
Free at last!
I got Mrs. Puff fired.
( heavy footfalls )
Hello, worthless students.
( teeth chattering )
I'm your new instructor.
No one's ever failed my class... that's lived through it.
l can assure you, these next four weeks
will be the worst years of your miserable lives.
Your spines will break.
Your teeth will ache.
Your eyes will be bloodshot.
( all whimpering )
You will drive out of this school in style,
or you will be carted out
in your granny's handbasket.
Everyone will follow the rules of the class.
First rule, no talking.
Does that mean...
Second rule, no eating in my class.
Would anyone care for a Bon-Bon?
Uh, I'll eat one.
( all gasping )
Pick your favorite.
How's it taste?
It's a delightful taste sensation.
No eating in my classroom!
Now, if anyone else is man enough to stay in this class...
Looks like you're the man, Sponge.
I am?
Do you want to learn how to drive or what?
Yes, sir!
I'm ready to drive.
What do you think you're doing?
Ready for my test, sir. You're not ready
to drive yet... until you learn that first.
This is the most grueling driving course ever devised.
You will learn every turn, bump and crack on it.
You'll start out crawling it.
Crawl?
Hup-two, hup-two, hup-two.
Left turn!
Crack, bump, nickel.
Hey, a nickel!
Keep your eyes on the road, cadet!
Oh. Pebble!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
( screams )
Whoa!
( screaming continues )
Whoa!
( screaming )
Whoa!
( screaming )
( sighs ): Phew.
I'm ashamed of you, cadet.
Tripped up by a wee pebble.
What are you supposed to be learning in my class?
How to drive, sir?
Affirmative. But before you learn to drive,
you must learn to crawl,
and then you learn to walk, and then you learn to run.
But before you learn to walk, you must learn to crawl!
I want you to crawl!
Sir, yes, sir.
Now get out there!
Hup! Hup!
Every good boater needs to know his vehicle inside and out.
Here, go take that boat apart.
I'm impressed, son.
Put it back together again!
( laughs ): Oh, that'll be easy.
Are you sure?
Um, yeah.
You just put the jing-a-ma-whos on the poohickey and, uh...
I might need a couple minutes.
( snoring )
It's ready, Sarge!
Jumping jellyfish.
Watch for pedestrians.
Check mirrors.
Observe that speed limit.
Watch for pedestrians!
( shoe soles screeching )
Whoa-ho! Whoa!
( screaming continues )
( grunts )
So, um, how'd I do?
How'd you do?
Why don't you ask the shattered remains
of this pedestrian... how you did!
Now I know this course forward, backwards and sideways.
Am I ready to get behind the wheel?
Not quite.
Now do it blindfolded.
( horn honks, collision )
1,003; 1,004; 1,005...
Oh, pebble ♪143.
Ha! You will not trip me up again, pebble ♪143.
1,006; 1,007; 1,008.
Old lady with a ham sandwich.
1,009;
1,010; 1,011; 1,012.
One thou...
Congratulations.
You're ready to get behind the wheel.
Really?! I'm ready!
I'm ready! I'm rea...
Let's see what I taught you, laddie.
Yes, sir!
Left turn at pebble ♪143.
( tires screech )
SPONGEBOB: Kid with a ball.
Thanks, boy.
Nice driving.
Now parallel park up ahead.
( tires screeching )
Very good.
Now, boy, the time has come to show Mr. Fitz
what you learned.
Yes, sir.
Step one: seat belts.
Excellent work, cadet.
What's next?
Step two would be ignite engine.
Step three.
Step three would be...
engage blindfold!
What? You can't drive a boat with a blindfold on.
That's illegal.
But I can't do it without a blindfold.
Drive, boy, drive!
Mayday! Mayday!
You're off course.
( clattering, glass breaking )
( all screaming )
( screaming continues )
PUFF: Oh!
I feel so serene, now that I'm away
from that homicidal maniac, SpongeBob.
( horn honking ) ( gasps )
The brake, son!
Aye, aye, sir.
( tool buzzing )
Here you go, sir.
All I had to do was unscrew two little bolts.
I'm going to stop this thing.
Tell my wife I love her!
Come... get some!
Man down! Man down!
Uh, sorry, excuse me, sorry.
PATRICK: Hey, SpongeBob.
SPONGEBOB: Sorry, Patrick, I can't stop to talk right now.
I can't see! I can't see!
My pants!
Hey, I can't see.
( screaming )
( screams )
( tires screeching )
( scribbling )
Did I pass?
Well, if there was a "destroy the city"
part of the test, you would have.
The nerve of some people.
Sorry, SpongeBob, you failed again.
Even our finest instructor
could not teach you.
Mrs. Puff, you're hired again.
Hey, Mrs. Puff.
Sorry I'm "unteachable."
It's okay.
Mr. Fitz gave me my teaching certificate back.
( sniffles )
And your dossier was destroyed in the explosion.
So it's as if you never failed.
I got you a welcome back gift, Mrs. Puff.
I found all the pieces and glued them back together.
I promise it won't take me
a million tries this time.
( sobbing )
( shattering )